Snow Day
“Do you want to build a snowman?”
Sitting quietly on the couch, Cade gazed out the window.
Sadly I watched as he missed out on the winter fun. “I am sure he would love to build a snowman,” I thought to myself. Unfortunately, the barometric pressure changes that accompany snow days are no fun for Cade. Cloudy, rainy and snowy days have become migraine triggers for him.
He continued his gaze as the children slid down hill. How I wished he would go outside and play with me. I miss the days of Cade and I playing in the snow. We would run around the yard without a care in the world. You’d swear it was the Fourth of July. The Fourth of July with a snow ball fight, what’s better than that?
I hate watching him suffer. He’s my best buddy. “Do you want to build a snowman?” Again I asked. His pale complexion and tired eyes told me otherwise.
December was rough. It was a month filled with rain. Like the weather, Cade spent most days gray and dreary. Then there were those cherished days in between. The smile on Cade’s face said it all. It was as though he became alive in the sunlight. The clear Carolina blue skies brought hope. Free from pain, he was eager to get out and appreciate life. As a parent, I long for these days.
I long for the day when he can live without chronic pain. It hurts thinking that on top of all his set backs he has to be in pain as well. There is a solution somewhere out there and one day we will find it. Until then we’ll keep embracing the good days and powering through the rest. Although Cade has many challenges, I’ve learned to count my blessings. I know there are others that have it much worse.
I also know others that take far too much for granted. These are parents that I am referring to. Having a child requires sacrifice. Having a child with disabilities requires greater sacrifice. Things once important to you become insignificant. Money gets sacrificed. Social lives get sacrificed. Careers get sacrificed. I would sacrifice life iteself for my son. Therefore, it pains me to hear a parent complain about sacrificing ‘time’ for their child. Especially their over achieving child. I know the commitment of driving the kid to soccer, football, baseball and basketball can get challenging. Especially when you’ve just returned from his national science fair. It’s stressful. I get it. I just wiped my eighteen year old son’s ass so the leather seats in your BMW aren’t too funky when we arrive at your boy’s game. Thanks for the ride.
So, here we are in January. A new year is upon us. With a new year comes new promise. I look forward to the progress we can make this year. Reflecting back on this past year there were many dark days. In this darkness we found strength. Somehow we found strength. I just don’t have the strength to watch my son look gloomily out the window any longer. Layered up, I headed out into this winter wonderland. The glistening blanket of white gave way to my heavy foot steps. Like an explorer I searched. Much of the snow had become icy from melting and refreezing. I continued searching. The ground cracked as I paced the yard. I stopped for a moment to take in the beauty. Growing up in southern Louisiana there was always something magical in the snow. “How magnificent,” I thought as I admired the scenery. My other thought was, “Damn! My feet are cold in these slippers.” Slowly I turned to make my way back and there it was. A mound of the white stuff was left piled in the shadows of the shrubbery. And it was still soft and fluffy. With my bucket full I marched back into the house.
The crackling of the fireplace was relaxing. With my warm smile and cold feet I sat next to Cade on the couch.
“Hey buddy,” I handed him my bucket of snow. “Do you want to build a snowman?”
Kelly Jude Melerine
I feel for you…my Kiddo’s migraines are mainly food triggered (if you haven’t tried the tyramine-free diet, you should. Be strict…Kiddo’s been on it since 2008 and it has SAVED HIS LIFE! He’s once again the guy we love but thought we’d lost) but his migraines can also be triggered by bright sunlight. His bedroom has mini-blinds which do a mostly good job of keeping those rays at bay except twice a year when the sun is just the right angle to send him into misery. I pray for cloudy mornings on those days!
My younger 2 boys are gifted….and trying to do right by them as well as the Kiddo took lots of sacrifice and maybe we even took a bit for granted…but I don’t think so. And I’ll tell you a secret…My Middle Boy and The Youngest are wonderful young men…compassionate, understanding and tolerant……because they had a sibling with autism.
Keep on keeping on…..It will work out and you WILL find a solution. Keep exploring your options…one will come when you lest expect it and you wonder why you didn’t try Whatever It Is to begin with !
Take care.
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I will heck out the tyramine free diet. To be honest, I don’t even know what tyramine is. I have tried other diets. The common triggers seem to be seasonal allergies and cloudy, rainy days. Thanks so much for the motivation. You are an amazing person. It sounds like you have some amazing children as well. Cade is our only child. We always have a full house with various folks in need staying with us. We have considered adoption in the past. I hope to one day adopt other children. Perhaps older children. I know it’s harder finding placement for them. It would be nice for Cade to have siblings one day
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Tyramine is an amino acid which occurs naturally (and sometimes, not naturally)in food. If you’ve ever heard of *red wine head aches*, it is a similar idea. If you google *tyramine-free diet*, you should find something.
This diet was actually recommended by our physician when I told him I was tired of always relying on pain-meds to get Kiddo to feel better and was wondering if there was a migraine diet.
It’s not a crazy diet but there are some surprises. He can have brussell sprouts and asparagus but not broccoli or spinach and he can have some types of beans but not others. No poultry skin and no bacon with nitrates……I have found bacon without nitrates and hotdogs too…..so he’s happy and they’re really, really good hotdogs. No pickles or olives and no plums but he can have peaches and pears. MSG and Yeast Extract are BIG no-nos. He can have Velveeta but not cheddar but Parmesan, which is he is not supposed to have, does not bother him…..he’s half Italian, so that’s probably why! No Soy Sauce because tyramine occurs naturally in it when it’s brewed.
Give it a good try…that’s all you can do.
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Sounds good
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This is a beautifully written post, Kelly. Your frustrations are evident but your love for Cade shines through. Autism is a complex condition and everybody’s experience will be different. Some parents struggle more than others but then some have a lot more to deal with but we each have our own story to tell.
This post had me in tears, especially the end. You have a big heart and a wonderful way with words that endears the reader to you and Cade.
He is a lucky young man to have you as his father and I know you feel just as lucky to have him as your son. Thank you for sharing your story with us all.
P.S You follow my blog Mummyshambles but I’ve changed to https://insidetherainbowblog.wordpress.com/ should you wish to follow me there.
Take it easy.
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Thank you so much. He is my lil dude. I just followed your new site. Thanks for the heads up. I love your writing as well
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Kelly, you’re always an inspiration to me. I can totally relate to things you say about sacrifices. There are also the emotions and lost-ness that I feel we have to deal with sometimes which other parents without a child with special need will not understand. C is on soy milk and we try to reduce cow’s milk, white rice and potato in his diet which seems to reduce his anxiety and anger. I’m not sure if that will help Cade.
You’ve been amazing. Cade has been amazing too, on the account on how much he has to deal with.
Hang in there! A lot of us are here to provide that emotional support and are advocators to make the world an easier place for our kids to fit in.
Know that you are never alone but supported by the many millions of other individuals around the world.
My prayers and blessings are always with you, Cade and your family. And I wish for more angels to appear around your lives to bring more joy to wonderful Cade. 🙂
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Your beautiful comments give me hope. Thanks for the smile you just put on my face. You are awesome
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That story and your love for Cade is beautiful!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Life is struggle which we don’t know how to deal with ,but still we try to ,keep yourself motivated and keep faith
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Amen!
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Amen
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What an amazing story! It sounds like you have found a way to give your son a happy, fulfilled life. I wish everyone were as kindhearted and selfless as you, maybe the world would be a little better place.
Thank you for following my little project!
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Thank you so much.
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As always, your writing has given me hope, encouragement, some heart felt sighs and some chuckles. Thank you!
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Thank you for checking it out. Your comments mean a lot.
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Thank you for following my blog. I know it is so hard sometimes to know what to do it how to help and “normal” parents don’t get it. We get ping pinged back and forth because we have one over achiever gifted child and one autistic delayed child. Sometimes choosing what to sacrifice between our kids is heartbreaking. You want the best for both but something always has to give.
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You guys sound like an amazing family. I often regret not having more than one child. My wife’s brother lives with us. He is mentally disabled as well. If my brother in law didn’t have a sibling I hate to think of where he may be now.
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That’s one thing that is on my mind…what happens to my son when we’re gone. My daughter is great with him but I know that things will be difficult.
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It’s a haunting thought.
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I love your writing, and understand fully what you’re saying. Cade sounds like a “jewel!” Our son, Ben (53) is different from him, but still…there are similarities too! Ben can’t express himself verbally, but looks like he should be able to. Don’t know which is worse. As Ben matured, his “phrases” ceased (TV commercials, and nonsensical sentences), but so did his verbalization in other areas. His seizures and the meds he takes for them had an effect on that, I believe. His outbursts play a BIG roll in his life, but all in all…he is a fine man with a gentle spirit. He has changed us ALL for the better! His siblings are bright and capable, but Ben is “smart” in his own way too! In heaven…we’ll have those conversations I’ve longed for so!
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Beautifully stated. I must admit I am choking up a bit reading this. Thank you so much. One day we will all converse together in heaven.
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You are an awesome parent. Thought provoking post.
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Thank you 😄
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I teared up reading this. So candid and honest and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your courage inspires courage.
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Thank you so much for the great compliment. Sorry for the tears 🙂
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Good tears are always welcomed 🙂
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Beautifully written. I relate on so many levels. It’s so hard to have a kid with “differences” and yet, look at all of us! We all have such a common thread of love and wanting the best for our kids. Maybe we’re more alike than different after all? Sounds cheesy? Maybe, but it helps me to not do the compare and despair game with the kids who aren’t like mine. I will be following you and lending you support from Los Angeles! You are not alone. Andrea
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Andrea you just brought a big smile to my face.
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Hi, I wanted to thank you for liking a blog post of mine and for following my blog.
Wow, what you did for your son is amazing! 🙂
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You are very welcome and thank you for the compliment. 🙂
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I’ve also brought buckets of snow inside!! It’s such a fun idea!
I suffer from migraines, and we recently learned my daughter does too.
Botox has been a lifesaver for me. It really is the only thing I’ve found that works. I did it every 3-6 mos for 2 yrs. I was mostly headache free for 3 yrs. They’ve recently started slowly coming back…so I’ll likely seek botox again within a year.
Good luck!
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Thank you so much for the insight. I will ask about Botox. What’s not to love about a bucket of snow? 🙂
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Hi there. Thank you so much for following my blog. Just clicked over to see you …. and I’m so glad I did. Now following with much interest. All the very best. Kris.
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Kris, thank you so much. You made my day
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This brought tears to my eyes. What a perfect solution to your challenge that day. Cade is so very lucky to have you as a Mom. Sending much love and support your way for the strength I know you need in your daily life.
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Thank you. Your kind words made my day much brighter
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You are a wordsmith who draw your readers right there beside you in the sharing of your story. For Cade I will send prayers up to heaven. You make for a great and loving parent. God will provide in every way. Keep sharing and never give up on miracles happening in your life. Thank you for liking and following my blog. And thank you for bringing awareness with your words!
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Your blog caught my eye. Keep up the good work. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and the reminder of God’s miracles.
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Thanks for the follow. I like your writing and its simplicity and kindness.
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Thank you so much
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Beautiful post! My 5 year old son is autistic and I, too call him my best buddy! He’s made a lot of progress already with different therapies, but we still have our days… I guess we always will, but I try my best to find humor when I can. I’ll be sure to follow you, so I can hear more about wonderful Cade!
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Laughter works wonders. Thank you for the kind words. Wishing you and your family the very best
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Thank you for the follow.
I loved this post and will go back and read more.
Your son is lucky to have you and I’m sure you feel equally lucky. Although our circumstances are different, I can relate to wanting to give my daughter everything I have and more. I would sacrifice anything for her, for her happiness, her belly laugh, for her health…
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Thank you. Our circumstances may be different but our love for our children sounds very much the same. You rock
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You rock too! And let’s be honest, our kids are pretty awesome too! 😉. I hope you will have time to read about my Emily at some point!
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I will definitely!!!
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Excellent ~ the writing, the feeling, the parenting, how you and your son deal with the struggle of life. Love the indoor snowman, there are not any people I know who would even think to do that. It’s something like that idea that can not just make the day special but creates a memory never to be forgotten. Good job. Best wishes to you.
Best,
Candice~Marie
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Thank you Candice-Marie. You made me smile 🙂
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This is such a heartfelt post. I really felt the love and pain you have for your son. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful words with us.
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Thanks for reading and sharing your kind words. You made my day a bit brighter
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You’re most welcome! 😊
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Thanks for the beautiful comment
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I really could sense the expression of the pain. Yeah, I will be glad to remember you in my prayers as you find a way out as well.
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Prayers always welcome 🙂
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Thank you for visiting my blog. I have chronic migraines and the weather is definitely a factor. I don’t know if it is available for children, but Naproxin (also called Naprocin) is Ibuprofen that is Rx strength. They help me manage mine. I am sure a doctor would know. I only take 1 tablet as needed. There is no dependency. I will definitely say a prayer for you and your son.
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Thank you for the information. I will definitely check it out.
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What a beautiful touching post ❤ xx
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Thank you! 🙂
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This is so sweet and well-written.
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Thank you so much!
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Thanks for stopping by and following my blog! I’m glad to connect 😊🙌
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Beautiful! The world needs more selfless parents like you! Thank you for posting all of these wonderful posts and giving us a window into your world.
Wish you all the best!
Meno
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Thanks for making me smile!
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My pleasure!<3
Meno
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Great post. I have three kids and I’m afraid I do whinge at times about the ‘challenges’ of running them here, there and everywhere, and how busy life is. It’s good to be reminded that life must not be taken for granted. Thank you. Best of luck to you both.
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Thanks for being awesome! You made my evening.
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